I Don't Believe

By Carmencita Picaro, Fr. Kolbe Missionary
*Originally published in Spes Nostra March-April 1997: 11. Print.

Radio X transmits from a city in the center of Italy. Luke, a tall, thin, 24 year old man is the manager of the station. This is a place and person I never dreamed of meeting.

It was during a mission in this region that I was offered the opportunity to announce the secret peace and love of Christ. I entrusted this particular aspect of the mission to Our Lady and St. Maximilian Kolbe. For fifteen days, I was a part of the place.

On the very first evening, I asked Luke to help with reading from the Bible. I didn't know anything about him, and he didn't refuse. Naturally, he listened to what I was telling the listeners. In the end, I noticed that there was something different in him, a sense of uneasiness that wasn't there at the beginning.

After a few transmissions, Luke could no longer hide his interior state. "Find someone else to read these things," he told me. "I can't. I don't believe. I'd be a hypocrite if I continued." I didn't have to push him to open his heart to me. He understood that he could talk freely and sincerely.

"I was a Christian (Catholic), since birth, like my dad. Now, we are atheist because we understood that God has nothing to do with man."

"And, are you happy?"

"No!" he almost yelled at me. "I live in a tremendous emptiness. I fell like a useless worm. I dont' fidn any meaning to myself nor for anything else. It's been years that the only things that mattered were what I could touch, see, and enjoy. And now, I'm unsatisfied. My girlfriend isn't enough. I've already betrayed her with other girls... I work nights as a disc jockey and to entertain the clients I use drugs. Yeah, I know you don't like this stuff, but I've got to do it or I get fired. But everything that you said these evenings..."

I was already contemplating the silent but tenacious work of Mary making an opening in the heart of Luke.
That evening, as a gesture of faith and friendship I gave Luke the miraculous medal. I was afraid he might refuse it, but to my joy he put it immediately on his gold chain.

At the end of the series of transmissions, Luke mumbled: "You know, I was thinking that I could go to confession if there was a missionary Father around. Do you think it is possible?"

"Sure. Tomorrow I will send one."

The next day I arrived with a priest early in the morning. Luke's father let us in.

While Luke received reconciliation, his father was outside with me. For a long time we continued the discussion on confession until even he (probably without being aware) finished up by making his confession, but... with me! I couldn't absolve him, of course, so I encouraged him to repeat everything to the priest.
Meanwhile, Luke came form from the room with clear eyes and a radiant face. He came with us to the parish where he participated in the Mass for the first time in years.

Our goodbye was very friendly. Even his father took my hand and told me: "Maybe in a couple of days I will also go have a chat with Father!"

Go into the Vineyard: Pray for Vocations.